Making love to a beautiful woman

MAKING COFFEE

Making a cup of coffee is like making love to a beautiful woman. It's
got to be hot. You've got to take your time. You've got to stir..
gently, and firmly.
You've got to grind your beans until they squeak. And then you put in the milk.

LAYING A CARPET
Laying a carpet is.. very much like making love to a beautiful woman.
You check the dimensions, lay her out on the floor, pin her down, nail
her, then walk all over her. If you're adventurous – like me – you
might like to try an underlay.

HANGING WALLPAPER
Well, hanging wallpaper is also very much like making love to a beautiful woman.
Clean all the relevant surfaces, spread her out on the table, cover
her with paste, and stick her up. Then you clean your brush, light
your pipe, stand back and admire your handiwork.

PUTTING UP A TENT
Putting up a tent, is.. very much like making love to a beautiful woman.
You rent her, unzip the door, put up your pole an'.. slip in to the old bag.

WASHING A CAR
Washing a car, is very much like making love to a beautiful woman.
You've got to caress the bodywork. Breathe softly and gently. And give
every inch of it your loving attention. And make sure you've got a
nice wet sponge.

BEING IN THERAPY
And yet, having therapy is very much like making love to a beautiful
woman. You.. get on the couch, string 'em along with some half-lies
and evasions, probe some deep dark holes, and then hand over all your
money.

BEING IN A CRASH
Going to the brink of death and back, in a nine car pile-up on a dual
carriage-way, is.. very much like making love to a beautiful woman.
First of all, brace yourself, hold on tight – particularly if it's a
rear-ender. And pray you make contact with her twin airbags as soon as
possible.

GOING FISHING
Going fishing was very much like making love to a beautiful woman.
First of all, clean and inspect your tackle, carefully pull back your
rod cover, and remove any dirt or gunge that may have built up whilst
not in use. Then, extend your rod to its full length, and check that
there are no kinks or any wear. Particularly at the base, where the
grip is usually applied.
Make sure you've got a decent float, the appropriate bait, and that
there's plenty of shot in your bag.