Shy people are very smart

Shy people are very smart. They can develop a whole system around their shyness and by finding ways to avoid situations that cause anxiety, and if that doesn't work then finding ways to feel as safe as possible.

If reducing your social anxiety is something you really want to achieve then you need to stop avoiding social situations.

How?
First you need to understand how you avoid the situations.
   > Do you get someone else to do it for you?
   > Do you make an excuse?
   > Do you put up with a great inconvenience?

Then you need to know what you do to keep safe in social situations.
   > Saying very little.
   > Looking away.
   > Pretending to be busy.
   > Actually being busy, but only for the purpose to avoid people.
   > Standing or sitting to the side.

Next ask yourself what would like to do but avoid because of your shyness. Once you have established the end goal – work out some manageable steps to help you achieve it.   When you are first faced with this as a solution to reducing shyness or social anxiety it can feel overwhelming.  But don't panic, this isn't sink or swim.  Rather it is remove the safety net and replace it with steps that teach you to swim on your own. 

My greatest success in reducing shyness and anxiety has come from taking note of what I do in social situations that help me feel safe.  I can then taking step to minimise or remove these actions.

When faced with a social situation I found safety in keeping busy.   When attending parties I would always make myself busy in the kitchen, helping to prepare the food, get more supplies and help clean up.  This meant conversations were typically short and centered on preparation.   I rarely had to introduce myself to new people or join in long conversation.  But I wasn't having that much fun.

 To overcome this I took the following steps:
   1. When arriving at the party stay with my friends. (don't disappear to the kitchen)
   2. Stay with friend as they talk with others.
   3. Focus on the conversation, not ways to help (and therefore escape)
   4. Contribute to conversation with friends and others.
   5. Final Goal: Join conversations by myself and contribute.

This process took several months.  Once I stopped myself from being busy and focused on people and conversations – I got use to the situation and soon felt comfortable.   Taking away my safety net meant I had to learn to adapt, I did and felt much happier.