V

Always take a small magnet on your holiday, they come in handy at the end of it.

Thought you all needed to know this. 
 

This is pretty good info. Never even thought about key cards containing anything other than an access code for the room!    

HOTEL KEY CARDS  

Ever wonder what is on your magnetic key card?  

Answer:
A. Customer's name
B. Customer's partial home address
C. Hotel room number
D. Check-in date and out dates
E.  Customer's credit card number and expiration date!  
When you turn them in to the front desk your personal information is there for any employee to access by simply scanning the card in the hotel scanner. An employee can take a hand full of cards home and using a scanning device, access the information onto a laptop computer and go shopping at your expense.  

Simply put, hotels do not erase the information on these cards until an employee reissues the card to the next hotel guest. At that time, the new guest's information is electronically 'overwritten' on the card and the previous guest's information is erased in the overwriting process.  

But until the card is rewritten for the next guest, it usually is kept in a drawer at the front desk with YOUR INFORMATION ON IT!  

The bottom line is: Keep the cards, take them home with you, or destroy them. NEVER leave them behind in the room or room wastebasket, and NEVER turn them into the front desk when you check out of a room. They will not charge you for the card (it's illegal) and you'll be sure you are not leaving a lot of valuable personal information on it that could be easily lifted off with any simple scanning device card reader.  

For the same reason, if you arrive at the airport and discover you still have the card key in your pocket, do not toss it in an airport trash basket. Take it home and destroy it by cutting it up, especially through the electronic information strip!  

If you have a small magnet, pass it across the magnetic strip several times.. Then try it in the door, it will not work. It erases everything on the card.  

Every proverb has an equal and an opposite proverb..!

Every proverb has an equal and an opposite proverb..!

 

 

Every Action has an equal and an opposite reaction. Similarly, every proverb has an equal and an opposite proverb..!
There always exist two sides of the same coin..!

 

Proposed European English!!!

 

A lot of hard work has gone into this. You will enjoy the result and also appreciate what happens when rules are bent to accommodate everyone's desires.
 ENJOY.......
ALL THE BEST.....

 

---

 

 

The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility.
As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5-year phase-in plan that would become known as "Euro-English".

In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of "k". This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter.

 

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter. 
In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.
Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. 
Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent "e" in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.
By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v".

During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensibl riten styl.
Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru. 
Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plas. 
If zis mad you smil, pleas pas on to oza pepl .

 

So how did you like it??? As it is , the mobile messaging is changing quite a few spellings. For example, 'the' is spelt as 'd', 'would' as 'wud', 'what' as 'wot', 'before' as 'b4' and so on. It will take some time for older generation to catch up with new spellings. 

................................... 

The Obedient Wife

"The Obedient Wife"

There was a man who had worked all his life, had saved all of
his money, and was a real "miser" when it came to his money.

Just before he died, he said to his wife..."When I die, I want
you to take all my money and put it in the casket with me. I
want to take my money to the afterlife with me."

And so he got his wife to promise him, with all of her heart,
that when he died, she would put all of the money into the
casket with him.

Well, he died. He was stretched out in the casket, his wife was
sitting there - dressed in black, and her friend was sitting next
to her. When they finished the ceremony, and just before the
undertakers got ready to close the casket, the wife said,

"Wait just a moment!"
She had a small metal box with her; she came over with the
box and put it in the casket. Then the undertakers locked the
casket down and they rolled it away. So her friend said,

"Girl, I know you were not fool enough to put all that money in
there with your husband."
The loyal wife replied, "Listen, I cannot go back on my word. I
promised him that I was going to put that money into the
casket with him."

You mean to tell me you put that money in the casket with
him!?!?!?"

"I sure did," said the wife. "I got it all together, put it into my
account, and wrote him a check.... If he can cash it, then he
can spend it."

(Naughty 16+) A Sad Day For Tennis

A Sad Day For Tennis....

 

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Wimbledon hopeful Simona Halep wants surgery to reduce the size of her breasts.
  Halep is seen as one of the tennis stars of the future after winning a host of junior titles and a place in the final of the junior French Open last year.
  But the 5-foot-5-inch Romanian tennis star said she thinks her 34DD bust is holding her back.
  "This fall I'll have a breast reduction operation," Halep said. "The breasts make me uncomfortable when I play."
  "It's the weight that troubles me (and) my ability to react quickly," she added.
 

 
WILL SOMEONE PLEASE TELL THIS BABE THAT WINNING ISN'T EVERYTHING

History of Medicine

History Of Medicine

2000 B.C. - Here, eat this root.
1000 A.D. - That root is heathen. Here, say this prayer.
1850 A.D. - That prayer is superstition. Here, drink this potion.
1940 A.D. - That potion is snake oil. Here, swallow this pill.
1985 A.D. - That pill is ineffective. Here, take this antibiotic.
2010 A.D. - That antibiotic doesn't work any more. Here, eat this root

The obama and the Queen

__._,_.___

Statement of the Century

Statement  of the  Century
       

Thought  from the Greatest Living Scots Thinker.
Billy Connolly - Statement of the Century
          "If women are so bloody perfect at multitasking, how come

         they can't have a headache and sex at the same time ?"

MALE OR FEMALE

|   Male or Female?    You might not have known this,  but a lot of non-living objects are actually  either male or female.  Here are some examples:    FREEZER BAGS:  They are male, because they hold everything in, but you can see right through them.          PHOTOCOPIERS:  These are female, because once turned off; it takes a while to warm them up again. They are an effective reproductive device if the right buttons are pushed, but can also wreak havoc if you push the wrong Buttons.           TIRES:  Tires are male, because they go bald easily and are often over inflated         HOT AIR BALLOONS:  Also a male object, because to get them to go anywhere, you have to light a fire under their butt.   SPONGES:  These are female, because they are soft, squeezable and retain water.        WEB PAGES:  Female, because they're constantly being looked at and frequently getting hit on.   TRAINS:  Definitely male, because they always use the same old lines for picking up people..         EGG TIMERS:    Egg timers are female because, over time, all the weight shifts to the bottom.     HAMMERS:  Male, because in the last 5000 years, they've hardly changed at all, and are occasionally handy to have around.     THE REMOTE CONTROL:  Female. Ha! You probably thought it would be male, but consider this: It easily gives a man pleasure, he'd be lost without it, and while he doesn't always know which buttons to push, he just keeps trying        __._,_.___ Reply to sender | Reply to group | Reply via web post | Start a New Topic Messages in this topic (1) Recent Activity: New Members 118 Visit Your Group Please forward this message to everyone who will love it!  If you like such messages, you may want to join these fun lists by sending blank emails to: Best Jokes and Great Masti: DesiMasala-Subscribe@YahooGroups.Com Cosmopolitan Showtime: Chumma-Subscribe@YahooGroups.Com Hindi Shayris and Ghazals: Shayris-Subscribe@YahooGroups.Com ------------------------------------ (*: THE CHUMMA LIST :*) ------------------------------------ Group Email Addresses Post message: Chumma@YahooGroups.Com Moderators: Hiten@HitenRaja.com & TejasMehta@aol.com To modify your list subscription, please send a blank email to: SUBSCRIBE: Chumma-Subscribe@YahooGroups.Com UNSUBSCRIBE: Chumma-Unsubscribe@YahooGroups.Com INDIVIDUAL MAILS: Chumma-Normal@YahooGroups.Com DAILY DIGEST: Chumma-Digest@YahooGroups.Com VACATION HOLD: Chumma-Nomail@YahooGroups.Com All of you are encouraged to submit your favorite attachments to the list! You are requested to properly format your contribution, use a unique subject line, and avoid virus warnings, chain letters, commercial messages, disclaimers etc. The better you follow the guidelines, and the original or fresher you are, the higher are the chances of your funnies getting posted! You will be banned from the group if you spam or flame fellow members, ignore posting guidelines routinely, send out auto replies, or post advertisements. Fun URLs (May require a login with Yahoo ID) Homepage: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/chumma Cosmopolitan Showtime: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/chumma Mail Delivery: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/chumma/join Polls: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/chumma/polls Subscribe Box: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/chumma/promote Indian Jokes: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/DesiMasala Romantic Shayris: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/shayris MARKETPLACE Stay on top of your group activity without leaving the page you're on - Get the Yahoo! Toolbar now. Get great advice about dogs and cats. Visit the Dog & Cat Answers Center. Hobbies & Activities Zone: Find others who share your passions! Explore new interests. Switch to: Text-Only, Daily Digest • Unsubscribe • Terms of Use . __,_._,___ Reply Reply to all Forward Invite Mohamed Jaffer to chat

Raapchik Jokes + 18 (Adult)

  Tarzan and the animals went to the river to take a bath. Tarzan removed his clothes. All the animals laughed. Tarzan asked  "Why"?

  The animals told him..........."Your tail is in the front".


 Q: What three things are common between the sun and woman's  underwear?
  A: Both are hot, both look better while going down and both Disappear at night.


            Q: Why do men ask for a woman's hand in marriage?
            A: Because they are tired of using their own.


            Q: What's common between men and video?
            A: Both go  backward...forward...backward.

..forward...backward....forward...
            stop and eject.



            Q: What is the closest thing similar to a woman's period?
            A: Your salary, it comes once a month lasts about 5-7 days
                 and if  it  doesn't come means you are in big trouble.


            Q: What goes in dry, comes out wet, and gives warm satisfaction?
            A: A teabag.


            7 qualities to be a perfect wife:

            Beautiful,
            Responsible
            Energetic
            Adorable
            Sweet
            Truthful and
            Self-Organized.
            In short, she must have good B.R.E.A.S.T.S


            Q: What is the similarity between men and rats?
            A: Both keep searching for new HOLES.


            Q: What's the difference between biology and sociology?
            A: When the baby looks like his dad, then it is biology. When
            the baby looks like the neighbour, then it is sociology.


            Q: Girl friend & boy friend go for a movie. In the dark, a mosquito enters the
                 girl's skirt. Guess where it would have bitten?
            A: The boy's hand.

.

Marital Affair

A  mortician was working late one night.
He examined the murdered body of  the famous
town gigolo Mr. BullPart,
to be cremated next  day.
On  examination he observed
Mr. BullPart had the largest private  part
that he had never seen in his life.
"I'm  sorry Mr. BullPart," the mortician
commented, "I can't allow you to be  cremated
with such an impressive private part.
It must be saved for  posterity, local museum and Guinness world records."
So,  he removed it,
stuffed it into his briefcase,
and took it home
"I have  something to show
that you have never seen before and
you won't believe,"  he said to his wife,
opening his briefcase.

"My  God!" the wife exclaimed,
"Mr. BullPart is dead?"

The birth control

six-year-old boy told his father he wanted to marry the little girl across the street. The father, being modern and well-schooled in handling children, hid his smile behind his hand.

"That's a serious step," he said. "Have you thought it out completely?"

"Yes," his young son answered. "We can spend one week in my room and the next in hers.

It's right across the street, so I can run home if I get scared of the dark."

"How about transportation?" the father asked.

"I have my wagon, and we both have our tricycles," the little boy answered.

The boy had an answer to every question the father raised.

Finally, in exasperation, his dad asked, "What about babies? When you're married, you're liable to have babies, you know."

"We've thought about that, too," the little boy replied.  "We're not going to have babies. Every time she lays an egg, I'm going to step on it!"

Golf

 The Swede's wife steps up to the tee and, as she bends over to place her
ball, a gust of wind blows her skirt up and reveals her lack of underwear.



 'Good God, woman! Why aren't you wearing any skivvies?', Ole demanded.
Well, you don't give me enough housekeeping money to afford any.'



 The Swede immediately reaches into his pocket and says, 'For the sake of
decency, here's a 50. Go and buy yourself some underwear.'



Next, the Irishman's wife bends over to set her ball on the tee.. Her skirt
also blows up to show that she, too, is wearing no undies.



 'Blessed Virgin Mary, woman! You've no knickers. Why not?'



 She replies, 'I can't afford any on the money you give me. 'Patrick reaches
into his pocket and says , 'For the sake of decency, here's a 20. Go and buy
yourself some underwear!'





 Lastly, the Scotsman's wife bends over. The wind also takes her skirt over
her head to reveal that she, too, is naked under it.



 'Sweet mudder of Jaysus, Aggie! Where ta friggin hell are yer drawers?'



 She too explains, 'You dinna give me enough money ta be able ta affarrd
any.'



 The Scotsman reaches into his pocket and says, 'Well, fer the love 'o
decency, here's a comb.....Tidy yerself up a bit."

Seeta Geeta jokes

Geeta- “Seeta, meri ghadi kho gayi,
kya tumne kahi dekha hai?”
Seeta- “Nahi, chalti thi ya band thi?”
Geeta-”Chalti thi|”
Seeta- “Tab jaroor kahi chalkar gayi hogi|”





Putra- “Pitaji, mai nadi me aage jaaunga|”
Pita- “Nahi, doob jaaoge|”
Putra- “Nahi dooboonga, mujhe tairna aata hai|”
Pita- “Yadi doob gaya to ghar jaakar teri khoob pitai karunga|”

Tomato Potato

Oye sardarji tusi great ho..................
 



 Each Friday night after work, Sardar ji would fire up his outdoor grill

 and cook a tandoori chicken and some meat kebabs. But, all of his

 neighbors were strict Catholics ... and since it was Lent, they were

 forbidden from eating chicken and meat on a Friday.





 The aroma from the grilled meats was causing such a problem

 for the Catholic faithful that they finally talked to their Priest. The

 Priest came to visit Sardar ji and suggested that he become a Catholic.

 After several classes and much study, Sardar ji attended Mass... and as

 the priest sprinkled holy water over him, he said, You were born a Sikh,

 and raised as a Sikh, but from now, you are a Catholic."

easy

Geeta- “Seeta, meri ghadi kho gayi,
kya tumne kahi dekha hai?”
Seeta- “Nahi, chalti thi ya band thi?”
Geeta-”Chalti thi|”
Seeta- “Tab jaroor kahi chalkar gayi hogi|”





Putra- “Pitaji, mai nadi me aage jaaunga|”
Pita- “Nahi, doob jaaoge|”
Putra- “Nahi dooboonga, mujhe tairna aata hai|”
Pita- “Yadi doob gaya to ghar jaakar teri khoob pitai karunga|”

Let's put the seniors in jail, and the criminals in a nursing home.

Let's put the seniors in jail, and the criminals in a nursing home.

This way the seniors would have access to showers, hobbies, and walks; they'd receive unlimited free prescriptions, dental and medical treatment, wheel chairs etc. And they'd receive money instead of Paying it out.

They would have constant video monitoring, so they could be helped instantly ,if they fell, or needed assistance.

Bedding would be washed twice a week, and all clothing would be ironed and returned to them.

A guard would check on them every 20 minutes, and bring their meals and snacks to their cell. They would have family visits in a suite built for that purpose.  They would have access to a library, weight room, spiritual counselling, pool, and education.

Simple clothing, shoes, slippers, P.J.'s and legal aid would be free, on request.  Private, secure rooms for all, with an exercise outdoor yard ,with gardens. Each senior could have a PC, TV, Radio, and daily phone calls.  There would be a board of directors , to hear complaints, and the guards would have a code of conduct, that would be strictly adhered to.

The "criminals" would get cold food,  be left all alone, and unsupervised. Lights off at 8pm, and showers once a week.  Live in a tiny room, and pay Kenya Shillings 40,000.00 per month and have no hope of ever getting out.

Justice for all.

Gujju Fun

Gujju Fun

 
Dress-maa tame sara lago chho,
 Punjabi maa tame pyara lago chho;
 Sari-ma koi-di tamne joya nathi,
 Maate tame Kunwara lago chho.

 

 
Jivan maa JAS nathi,
 Prem maa RAS nathi;
 Dhandha maa KAS nathi,
 Javu chhe swarg maa,
 pan eni koi BUS nathi

 
Dil naa dardo ne pinaro shu jane,
 prem naa rivajo ne jamano shu jane;
 Chhe ketli taklif kabar maa,
 Te uparthi phool muknaro shu jane!

 
Zindagi ne jiv-vani Filsufi samji lidhi,
 Je khushi aavi jivan ma,
 aakhri samji lidhi!
 Shu karu fariyaad tari,
 Fariyaad ma yaad chhe Fari fari ne yaad tari,
 Ej mari fariyaad chhe! 

 
Tu hase chhe jyare jyare,
 tyare tyare tara gaal ma khada pade chhe.
 Hu vicharu chhu betho betho,
 ke mara sivay aa khada-ma ketla pade chhe!

 Doobta jeevan na tame swaas chho,
 kahu kem ke tame kaik 'khaas' chho.
 Tame phool nahi pan jamin par ugta ghaas chho,
 sachu kahu, tame ek moto Traas chho.

 
Loko kahe-chhe ke - Hasya tena ghar vasya!
 Parantu e kon jane chhe ke -
 Ghar vasya pachhi ketla hasya.?

Spousal Disharmony

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Shaalu and Deepak had been married for some time and were having spousal disharmony, confrontation, disputes, problems. So they decided to see a professional marriage counselor.

After some warming out routine questions, the counselor asked the unhappy couple, "Well, what do you think seems to be the problem with your marriage?"

Simultaneously in a harmonious voice Shaalu and Deepak yelled, "I am unhappy with the Whole Thing."

"Can you both be please more specific?" asked the confused counselor.

Confused Deepak loss at words meekly answered, "I am unhappy with the Hole."

Shaalu snapped back, "Well, if that is what you have to say to the outsiders then I am unhappy with the thing!"

Kuchh Nai

Whenever you ask people visiting your home,

"kya loge?"
The usual reply has always been
"Kuchh Nai".
Finally I have found "Kuchh Nai",
So feel free to serve your friends whenever they say
"Kuchh Nai Lenge"

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