What ails most modern-day marriages?
What ails most modern-day marriages?(Getty Images)
Bad sex, intolerance, ex-lovers are some of the main reasons for a divorce. Trends indicate that there has been a significant rise in the number of divorces in India.
Divorce and break ups are not uncommon in India anymore. Documented data shows that India, known to be a tradition-bound, conservative, and family-centric country, is in the throes of a divorce spiral, with the number of cases increasing exponentially over the last decade. Be it students, professionals or individuals having a decade old marriage, all know that relationships come with an expiry date. And reasons include, ‘You don’t keep your clothes and shoes in the proper place, you don’t cook well, you don’t listen to me, you always mess up the room, the fizz is not there’.
The possibility of amicably solving matters between the two individuals who are facing issues is no longer considered. Says sociologist Gaurang Jani, “In the past, marriage and divorce decisions were made by men, but today women also have a say in it. People get married, then differences crop up and soon the couple can’t see eye-to-eye. In most cases, the individuals have had affairs before they got married — so the past also catches up at times. It is most problematic if the woman has had an affair, as men are most often unable to accept the partner’s past.”
Jani adds that ever-increasing sexual freedom also contributes to tension between spouses. Dissatisfaction in a marriage is certainly not new. But, the discontent is now more verbal. And being vocal about problems is more acceptable. Says 27-year-old event co-ordinator Sunil Kurup, “Tolerance levels have decreased significantly and people know that this is not the end of the road; there are more and maybe even better options out there. Earlier couples used to be more patient and particular about giving each other space. That’s not the case anymore. Most couples today seem hell-bent to not look at a situation in a positive way.”
Some feel we are adopting a liberal mindset and aping western culture. “We are moving towards the western culture where marriage and divorce happen every second day. Today everyone wants to live on their own terms. There is nothing like a second chance,” says bank executive Bimal Patel. The liberal mindset among individuals encourages them to part ways and remain friends even after they divorce. But is that feasible? “Desires increase when there are more options. Extra marital affairs are also on a high. On the other hand people today understand the reasons of their separation. They grow and learn each other’s limitations — they accept each other as they are and remain friends after divorce,” says psychologist Darshan Shah. The idea that people are recognising incompatibility is evident. But even as break ups are on the rise, the idea of falling in love again is very much a certainty, too.
Divorce and break ups are not uncommon in India anymore. Documented data shows that India, known to be a tradition-bound, conservative, and family-centric country, is in the throes of a divorce spiral, with the number of cases increasing exponentially over the last decade. Be it students, professionals or individuals having a decade old marriage, all know that relationships come with an expiry date. And reasons include, ‘You don’t keep your clothes and shoes in the proper place, you don’t cook well, you don’t listen to me, you always mess up the room, the fizz is not there’.
The possibility of amicably solving matters between the two individuals who are facing issues is no longer considered. Says sociologist Gaurang Jani, “In the past, marriage and divorce decisions were made by men, but today women also have a say in it. People get married, then differences crop up and soon the couple can’t see eye-to-eye. In most cases, the individuals have had affairs before they got married — so the past also catches up at times. It is most problematic if the woman has had an affair, as men are most often unable to accept the partner’s past.”
Jani adds that ever-increasing sexual freedom also contributes to tension between spouses. Dissatisfaction in a marriage is certainly not new. But, the discontent is now more verbal. And being vocal about problems is more acceptable. Says 27-year-old event co-ordinator Sunil Kurup, “Tolerance levels have decreased significantly and people know that this is not the end of the road; there are more and maybe even better options out there. Earlier couples used to be more patient and particular about giving each other space. That’s not the case anymore. Most couples today seem hell-bent to not look at a situation in a positive way.”
Some feel we are adopting a liberal mindset and aping western culture. “We are moving towards the western culture where marriage and divorce happen every second day. Today everyone wants to live on their own terms. There is nothing like a second chance,” says bank executive Bimal Patel. The liberal mindset among individuals encourages them to part ways and remain friends even after they divorce. But is that feasible? “Desires increase when there are more options. Extra marital affairs are also on a high. On the other hand people today understand the reasons of their separation. They grow and learn each other’s limitations — they accept each other as they are and remain friends after divorce,” says psychologist Darshan Shah. The idea that people are recognising incompatibility is evident. But even as break ups are on the rise, the idea of falling in love again is very much a certainty, too.
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posted by banukiran @ 10:56 AM
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